A Future Worth Having
by Shannen1
Summary: Tom sat down on their bed not knowing what to say or do as fear filled his mind. Tom, Sybil and their daughter have settled in Liverpool waiting and hoping to return home to Dublin soon. Proudly AU our ship is alive and well. I'm currently looking for Beta so if anybody is up for the task please let me know.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay this is my very first S/T fiction and at first I wasn't going to post it because it started out at as a form of therapy after what happen last week. I was really in need of fiction that didn't kill Sybil so I started this one.  
I'm not sure if this will be a one-parter or more chapters will follow but I just wanted to share this with the group. English is not my first language and I have not Beta so please be kind. I've done my best and I hope you'll like it .**

All air seemed to have been sucked out of the room; each breath was a struggle to him and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to catch his breath. He slummed down on the bed next to her fearing that fall over if he didn't sit down.  
Desperately clutching her hand in his hoping the feeling of her hand in his would bring him the relief and comfort that it normally did but it didn't. Her touch had soothed him whether it was her hand on top of his when they sat next to each other at Downton or when they snuggled close together in their bed in their small Dublin flat.

He brought her left hand to his lips and kissed the narrow gold band on her ring finger. Their wedding day would be forever edged in his mind she looked so beautiful and she made her way down the aisle on the arm of his brother. He had let out a small gasp as she placed her hand in his. They had both struggled to hold back the tears as they exchanged their vows and it had been the happiest day of his life.

They had settled into their life together, Sybil started her working at the women's clinic and he his work at the paper. They had struggled a little to make ends meet but they had been happy. Tom loved coming home to her, it broke his heart a little to find that she would be so exhausted from her work that she would often fall asleep in front of the fire. But he had quickly learned that she loved her job and how fulfilling it was for her to care for women and children of Dublin.

When she had told him that she was pregnant he had been surprised they hadn't thought it would happen so soon but he had been overjoyed. He had pulled her close planting a powerful kiss on her lips before pulling her into his arms and whispered how much he loved her. When they had gone to bed that night his hand travelled to her still flat belly and that would be its permanent home for the next nine months.  
He had found most of the changes she went through during her pregnancy fascinating, but the sound of her being sick made him very uncomfortable. The first couple of months of pregnancy had been really hard on her she had been sick several times a day and she had struggled to keep food down. He would get up with her, hold her hair back and apply a cold cloth on her neck or forehead. She had been so grateful for his help and she doubted that her mother had received the same help from her father; she even doubted that her sisters would get the same help.

The sickness had been replaced by an increase in her energy level she had spent time with his Ma making clothes for the baby. The first results have been a little off and there had been times where he would have to bite the insdie of his cheek to keep from laughing but as time went by she had gotten much better. Since they had been married Sybil had been very open about her affections for him but it had increased during her pregnancy.

One night when he came home late from work she had met him at the door barely letting him get inside before she had throw herself in his arms kissing him hard on the lips, as she pushed his coats of his shoulders and pushed him hard against the closed door as she whispered "I've missed you so much."

Tom let go of Sybil's hand and walked over to the window, this place felt so foreign to him and not a day went by where he didn't miss Dublin. He longed to return home to their small flat, his family and the life they had shared there. He felt her hand on this shoulder but he continued to stare out the window.

She brought her other hand up to his cheek and forced him to look at her "Tom have you heard a word I've said?"

Tom swallowed the lump forming in his throat "I did, where is Saoirse?"

"She's napping" she answered with a smile and tried to pull his face closer to hers.

Tom placed a quick kiss on her forehead "I'm going to go look in on her."

"No, she is fine I want you to stay here" Sybil stepped in front of him and the look on her face made it clear to him that she wasn't going to change her mind.

Tom rubbed his forehead how did this happen, he knew how but he had been careful. And with Saoirse getting close to her third birthday a small part of him wondered if she was going to be the only child they would had secretly wondered if the caesarean section, despite Sybil's fast recovery from it had caused her injuries they hadn't known off.

They never planned on Saoirse being and only child but that august night still haunted him. Sometimes when he looked at Sybil and Saoirse playing together he was reminded how close he had been to losing them both. So as far as he was concerned as long as he had his girls he had everything he needed to be happy.

He had come so close to losing Sybil once and he couldn't go through that again. He wanted so much to be as happy as she was. But all he could think about was sounds she had made on the way to the hospital, the fear in her eyes when doctor Clarkson explained her condition or sitting on the hospital floor begging God to let his wife and child live.

"Darling are you sure?" Tom did his best to disguise the fear and worry this news caused him.

A bright smile lit up her entire face "yes I thought I might be so I went to see doctor Clarkson and he confirmed it, we're going to have another baby."

Sybil tried to guide his hand to her still flat belly but she felt him resist she frowned and looked up at him with eyes filled with confusion and hurt. "Tom are you not happy about this?"

Tom bowed down and rested his forehead against hers he swallowed hard.

"I have never been as scared as I was that night; I was pleading with God to keep you safe. Wondering if I had made the right decision in bringing you to the hospital I felt so helpless. When I was waiting for news, all I could think about was how I couldn't do it without you I wouldn't have been able to care for Saoirse without you. I wouldn't know where to go or what to do... I "

Tears burned in Sybil's eyes it wasn't until now that she fully understood the full impact that night had had on Tom. She had seen the worry and relief in his eyes when she woke up after the surgery. He had been very protective of them both when they came home from the hospital and had wanted to send for doctor Clarkson at the slightest sneeze or signs of fatigue.  
And in the weeks that followed he had been so careful around them, sleeping very little constantly checking up on her or watching over Saoirse as she slept. She could feel his worry when they lay in their bed and she snuggled up to him as she always did and he would seem scared of touching her.  
Until one night when she had grabbed him by the shoulders and told him that she and Saoirse were doing just fine and they were not made of glass.  
It had helped a little but it took some time before he finally began to relax and she thought they had put it behind them.

Sybil took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her "you are a wonderful father and if God forbid something was to happen to me I know you would continue to be a wonderful father."

Tom tried to look away but she held his face still "I don't want to die and I will fight with everything I have to make sure that doesn't happen but we cannot let fear ruin this. Remember the promise you made to me in York?"

Tom gave her a crooked smile, how could he forget the day he took the biggest risk of his life or how she turned him down "I remember the word flattered."

Sybil leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips "you said you would devote every waking minute to my happiness and you have honoured that promise. Having Saoirse made me so happy and so will this new baby and I know that no matter what happens our little family will be fine."

Tom wrapped his arms around her kissing her just below her ear and whispered "oh my darling I do love you so much."

Sybil ran her fingers through his hair "good because I love you too so very much."

She felt Tom relax and slowly turned around in his arms resting her head against his shoulder "what would you like a boy or a girl?"

Tom exhaled deep and tightened his hold on Sybil "I want you and the baby to be safe and if I can have that then I'll be a happy man."

Sybil reached up and cupped his face in her hand "I keep imagining a little boy with bright blue eyes and a cheeky grin."

Tom couldn't help but smile "you must not be aware of all the trouble the Branson boy's got into back in Dublin."

Sybil giggled "you'd be surprised at the stories your mother has told me, I think she wanted me to be prepared if Saoirse had been a boy."

Tom turned her around "what exactly has she told you?"

Sybil laughed at his shocked expression "about the time Ciaran and you slid down the icy roof of a shed in a box and scaring old Mr. O'Leary to death. Or how about the time you got your head stuck between the bars of a fence and they had to cut you free."

Tom instinctively rubbed his ears; he could still remember how much it hurt when they tried to pull him out. And how his brothers had been rolling on the ground laughing while his mother was telling him off and rubbing grease all over his face in an attempt to get him free.

Sybil could see how uncomfortable the memory made her husband and she tried to hold back her laugh but she couldn't. The image was so clear in her mind and the pouty look he was giving her now only made it harder and she burst out laughing.

Tom looked at her with slightly annoyed "I wasn't my fault Ciaran made me do."

"You tried to give Roisin away to your neighbours."

Tom shook his head quiet adamantly "no, no it was a game she was going on an adventure."

"She was two."

Sybil composed her herself and rose to the tip of her toes and gave him a quick kiss.

"But despite those stories and others I still can't wait to have my own Branson boy running around getting into trouble just like his Da. And just think maybe with a little luck this little one might be born back home in Dublin."

The idea of this new baby being born in Ireland would mean so much to him but he wasn't going to take any chances with her health this time where would be no travelling. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure that nothing went wrong this time. Tom crossed the room and sat down on the bed.

"As much as I would love for this baby to be born back home we're not taking any risks this time, we need to be very careful."

She quickly closed the gap between them "what if doctor Clarkson says is safe for me to travel?" Sybil knew Tom respected doctor Clarkson opinions and insight when it came to her or Saoirse.

"Darling we don't even know if we can go back yet."

She stood in front of him resting her hands on his shoulders her heart broke at the sadness in her husband's voice. It happen every time they spoke of Ireland and his family that they hadn't seen for so long and who had never met Saoirse.

"We will go home again soon I'm sure of it. And can you imagine how happy your mother will be seeing Saoirse and learning she's going to be a grandmother again."

Tom swallowed a lump in his throat his Ma had been so happy when they told about the baby and she had been such a big help to both of them but especially Sybil. She had taken Sybil under her wing helping and preparing her for the arrival of the baby.  
It had made both Tom and Sybil sad that plans for the baby's birth had been changed. And Tom knew that despite what she had written in her letter's that his Ma was heartbroken at not having been there for the birth or even ever met Saoirse.

Sybil bowed her head and rested her forehead against his "She misses you so much and after having Saoirse I know how much she must be hurting."

"She misses all three of us."

"And that's why I want us to go back as soon as we can, she has been so good to me and such a big help. She couldn't be there for Saoirse's birth but I really want her to be there when the new baby come."

Tom leaned in and captured her lips with and pulled her down on his lap "I love you Sybil Branson."

Sybil reached out for Tom but all she found was his side of the bed cold and empty. She sat up and looked around the room but all she saw was darkness. Then she noticed door was slightly open she crawled out of bed and grabbed her dressing from chair next to her dressing table.

She pulled open the door and without a second thought she walked over to Saoirse's room where she knew she'd find him. She found him standing next to Saoirse's bed like he had done so many nights before.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest "what are you doing up darling?"

Tom looked back over his shoulder "I could ask you the same thing"

"I woke up and you were gone."

Tom lifted her right hand and brought it to his lips "you know how she always kicks of her covers so I wanted to make sure she wasn't cold."

Sybil stepped around him took his hand and gave it a little tug "come back to bed she will be up before you know it."

"She looks so much like you, just look she even sleeps in the same position as."

Sybil shook her heard "when I held her for the first time the first thing I noticed was her bright blue eyes, your eyes staring right back at me."

They slowly made their way out of Saoirse's bedroom leaving the door slightly open Tom held back the covers as she crawled back into bed with him.

She shivered when she felt his hot breath on her neck. "I am really happy about the new baby; just promise me you will be careful."

"I promise" her eyes began to drop but the last thing she felt before sleep overtook her was Tom's warm gentle hand on her still flat belly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to those of you who took the time to review my story it really means a lot to me and I really hope you'll continue to do so. Also I used a few Irish words a few places I'm not sure they are 100% right but I hope you can look past it. **

Sybil brushed her hair back and checked her image in the mirror one more time. Her stomach seemed to have settled down after her nap. She walked over to their bed and gather the book she had Tom had been reading to Saoirse.  
She took the books and Saoirse's baby blanket into the nursery, the blanket was getting terribly worn it had been a gift from Tom's mother and Saoirse had been wrapped in it when she was born. They had tried to get her to part with it but her daughter had inherited both her parent's stubborn streak and refused to let go of it.

Their time at Donwton was coming to an end and soon they would be heading back to Liverpool where they had made their home for the past years. Sybil had not been happy for Tom to go back to being a mechanic but after so many failed attempts at getting a job at a paper Tom had convinced her it was the only way. She had been so frustrated and angry at the way the editors had treated Tom, he was a good writer but they never looked past his accent. He tried to convince her not to look at it as a step back but see it as a chance for them to relive the early parts of their relationship.

It hadn't been easy living in Liverpool, Tom's older brother Ciaran seemed to have a hard time letting go of the big brother role. And although he never said anything Sybil had the distinct feeling that Ciaran wasn't very happy that Tom had married an English girl and an aristocrat on top of that.

Tom missed Ireland and though he rarely spoke about it she knew it broke his heart that they hadn't been able to return home. The Irish Free State was a reality he hadn't been there to see it happen and that he made his desire to return home even greater. They had hoped that with birth of the Free State that the arrest order of Tom would have been cancelled but so far there was no news. The plan was still to return home but they kept it to themselves they didn't want to get his families hopes up and they see the need in telling her family just yet.

They had also decided to keep the news of the new baby to themselves especially given the events of the last couple of months. Sybil's hand drifted instinctively to her belly in an attempt to protect the growing child inside of her. It made Sybil so indescribably sad that for the second time she would have what her sister craved the most a baby.

Mary and Matthew longed to start a family but for the second time Mary had recently suffered a miscarriage. They were wonderful with Saoirse but Sybil could see the sadness and longing in their eyes. She had gotten pregnant so soon after their wedding it wasn't planned or anything they had discussed. And there had been times during her pregnancy when she wished they would have had more time together just the two of them but now she couldn't imagine her life without Saoirse. Sybil wanted her sister and brother in-law to be happy and she continued to hope that they would get their biggest wish soon.

Sybil slowly made her way down the stair looking for her husband and daughter, the house was filled with the hush sounds of the staff working around the house.

"May I be of some assistance Lady Sybil?" the sound of Carson's deep rumbling voice surprised her and made her jump a little she looked up at the big broad man.

"I was just wondering where Tom and Saoirse are."

Carson couldn't help frowning a little at Sybil's use of her husband and daughter's name, he would didn't find it proper "I have been told that Mister Branson and the young Miss have gone exploring."

Sybil smiled the weather was wonderful and her nap had left her in much better spirits "I think I'll join them."

"Very well m'lady" Carson gave her a quick nod and walked over and held the door open for her.

As she looked out over the lush green lawns her family were nowhere in sight she decided take the very familiar walked across the gravel and down to the garage. She was convinced that she would find them there but she only found Davis the new chauffeur she decided she'd have a better chance of finding them if she went back to the house and waited for them.  
She was almost at the front door when she heard a loud roar followed by a wild shriek she turned around and saw her daughter sprinting over the lawn followed by her father. Saoirse dark mane blew wild in the wind no ribbon was holding back her curly hair and her dress was stained in several places.

Saoirse saw her mother and called out to her "Mammy, mammy" Sybil knelt down and held her arms open for her daughter.

Saoirse threw her arms around her mother's neck "help me, help me Da is trying to get me."

Sybil wrapped her in her arms "don't worry I'll protect you."

Sybil stood up balancing Saoirse on her hip smiling at the state of her daughter as a very tiered Tom reached them "how did the exploring go?"

"Mammy we found a troll cave"

Sybil smile at her daughter's the excitement "really did you see the troll as well?"

Saoirse shook her head vehemently and then she wiggled to get down "where is Carson? He promised me a biscuit."

Tom smiled as Saoirse ran inside without waiting for an answer; Sybil reached out and brushed away a few loose strand of hair away from his forehead. Tom let his hand wander to her belly "how was your nap?"

Sybil put her hand on top of his "It was nice I feel much better now"

"Good" Tom leaned in and gave her a light kiss.

"Sybil, Saoirse is badgering Carson for a biscuit" the sound of Mary's voice made the couple jumped apart as if they had done something, Mary looked them up and down but she didn't say anything.

"I'll go and save Carson from our little wild child " Sybil and Tom walked into the house where Mary stood with a disapproving glare on her face.

"Sybil have you seen the state of her dress is filthy, her hair is loose and filled with twigs and leaves."

Tom's body stiffened his relationship with Mary had greatly improved and normally they got on just fine but during this stay at Downton she had been close to unbearable. Tom understood why, the second miscarriage had really taken a toll on both Matthew and Mary but he wasn't about to let her take it out on Sybil or Saoirse.

"She's been outside playing of course she going to be dirty."

Mary barely looked at him "this isn't Liverpool or worse Dublin and it's not proper for her to run around looking like that."

Tom took a deep breath trying to control his temper, he felt Sybil's hand in his he looked at Sybil and decided to excuse himself fearing he would lose his temper if he stayed.

He lifted Saoirse into his arms and spoke to her in Irish "ar chóir dúinn dul agus a fheiceáil má tá Mrs. Patmore a briosca ar do shon?"

Saoirse gave him a bright smile "tá da."

Mary snorted at the conversation between father and daughter "honestly must he do that?"

Sybil lifted her hand to her forehead and took a deep breath in an attempt calm herself but her frustrations with her sister got the better of her. "Yes he must its part of his heritage and whether you like it or not Saoirse is Irish and both Tom and I want her to know her heritage"

"She's English too."

Sybil nodded "yes and she speaks English too."

Sybil took Mary's hand "I know you sad about losing the baby and I'm so sorry..."

Before she had a chance to complete the sentence Mary pulled away from Sybil "I honestly don't know what you're talking about, I'm going up to rest."

Sybil watched with sadness as Mary hurried up the stairs and she knew that their last few days at Downton would be long.

Tom pulled at his bowtie no matter how many times he had dressed for dinner he never got used to it and especially not after having Saoirse and having moved to Liverpool. He missed their dinners at home where it would just be the three of them sitting in the kitchen around their small table.  
Here is was a big show of dressing up and all these rules, traditions, expectations and polite conversation.

His relationship with his in-laws had gotten better over the years; his relationship with Cora had changed the night Saoirse was born. She had supported his decision to take Sybil to the hospital, she had sat beside him as they waited for news and she had supported their decision to have Saoirse baptized in the Catholic Church. His relationship with Robert hadn't changed much they had found a way of coexisting but no matter how hard Cora, Matthew or Sybil pressed Robert still struggled to accept him as a member of the family.

"Here let me help you with this?" Sybil walked in front of him, Tom hands drifted to her waist and he couldn't help but smile at the concentrated look on his wife's face.

"I don't know what I would do without your help"

Sybil straighten the bowtie and brushed her hands across his shoulders "then Thomas might be the one to help you dress."

Sybil giggled as shuttered and made a disgruntled sound "I would have gone without then."

Sybil draped her arms over his shoulders and stood on her tip toes and kissed him Tom wrapped his arms around her waist and pull her flush against his body. "I know you don't like these dinners but just think the soon we get down the sooner we can get back upstairs"

Tom smiled and began to back her towards the bed while running his lips along her neck and jaw "I wish we could just stay here."

Sybil whimpered and pressed herself further into his body but she knew they had to stop this and go down to dinner"we need to go down"

Tom groaned and slowly pulled back "I know besides we have to feed you and the little one."

Sybil could feel Mary's eye on her constantly but whenever Sybil tried to make eye contact with her Mary looked away. Sybil took another sip of water and looked around the room and it stuck her how much her feelings for this place had changed she loved her family but more and more she came to realise that she no longer considered this to be her home.

Mary's voice pulled her from her thoughts "so I understand another baby is on the way"

Sybil almost dropped her glass and looked over at a very confused Tom.

"What" Robert looked at Cora but she looked just as confused as the rest of them.

Matthew looked down the pain in his wife's voice broke his heart "Mary please"

Mary ignored her husband's plea and glared at Tom. "No, really how could you be so irresponsible you live in a small shed in Liverpool and you barely make enough to support your wife and daughter now so how do you expect to support another child."

Sybil fought to hold back the tears she knew Mary was hurting but for her to talk about Tom and their live like that made her. Mary had been such a great support to her and Tom whenever they were at Downton Matthew and Mary had accepted Tom in the family sooner than everybody else and for her to speak about them like that made her furious.

Tom threw his napkin down and short up from his chair "just because we don't live in some version of Downton it doesn't that we're not happy. And I do support my family and I will work day and night to make sure that they are safe and well. "

Mary snorted "what about when the baby comes it almost killed Sybil the first time so how dare you risk her life again."

Tom felt as though he had been kicked in the stomach he looked across the table at Sybil and his heart sank the sadness in her eyes overwhelmed him. Before he had a chance to react Cora shouted "Stop it right now Mary."

Sybil hadn't noticed that Tom had walked over to her until she felt his hand on the small of her back; she leaned into his touch fearing she wouldn't remain standing if he didn't support her.

"Tar mo stór" the soft Irish tones made her look up, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him. She followed him without a word as they walked past Robert he held out his hand to stop them but Tom shook this head and just led Sybil out of the dining room.

Tom watched as Sybil stood by her vanity removing the few pieces of jewellery she had worn to dinner he had torn of his dinner jacket and bowtie and thrown them on the bed. He walked over and stood behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist letting his hands rest on her belly.

Tom leaned in and rested his cheek against her wet tear stained cheek "all my life I've seen her and Edith do battle but I honestly believed that she was on our side."

Tom tightened his hold on her trying to ease her tension and Sybil leaned into his body "I knew she would be upset but I never thought she would behave like this."

Sybil turned around in his arms bringing her hand to his cheek she could see the affect of Mary's word in his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes had been one of the first things she noticed about him; he had really kind eyes that seemed to change shades to match his mood and feelings. "I can't understand why she can't see how happy you have made me."

Sybil threw her arms around his neck and pulled his body flushed against her "I love you so much."

There had been times during the first year of their marriage where Tom had questioned his ability to give her the life she deserved. Accepting that Liverpool was their best option now that they were forced to remain in England had been hard on her.  
She knew her was a good journalist he was and she couldn't understand why his Irish background was a problem even for the most liberal paper. When the situation in Ireland had begun to change they had talked about the possibilities of returning to Dublin but for now they were still stuck in England.

"Will you unzip me please?" Tom ran his hand down her back slowly unzipping the dress and helped her undress leaving her in only her chemise. Without a word she began to unbutton his shirt Sybil leaned in and kissed him just below the ear and as she slowly pushed the shirt of his shoulders she continued to kiss down his neck and on his chest.

Tom tried to put his arms around her but he realised that she hadn't removed the cufflinks and his hands were stuck in the sleeves. Tom groaned as she moved her hands to his pants zipper and he frantically began to struggle against the shirt and when he finally freed his hands he lifted Sybil into his arms and carried her over to their bed.

He lay her down gently Sybil reached up and cupped his face in her hands "I am so happy with you and our life, never doubt or forget that."

A quick knock on the door made them pull apart Tom rested his forehead against Sybil groaning at the interruption. He got up from the bed and pulled open the door intending to get rid of whoever was on the other side as fast as he could. Mary was surprised to be met by her half naked brother in-law and as a reflex of her upbringing her eyes dropped to the floor.

Tom crossed his arms over his chest "what do you want now?"

Mary looked up "I want to apologize to the both of you."

* * *

Translation

"ar chóir dúinn dul agus a fheiceáil má tá Mrs. Patmore a briosca ar do shon?" - Should we go and see if Mrs. Patmore has a biscuit for you

tá da - Yes da

Tar mo stór - Come my darling


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to those of you who take the time to review my story, for those of you who write story yourselves you know how much those reviews matters and motivates so a huge thanks to all of you.  
****I'm currently looking for a Beta so if anyone is up to the task or have any ideas of who might be please let me know. I hope to post my next update soon because I have a million ideas in my head and I hope to have them down on paper soon.**

* * *

Tom looked back at his wife; she rolled her eyes but rose from the bed and put on her dressing gown. Tom stepped aside and let Mary into their room; she seemed unusually on edge and tugged nervously at her glows. Tom felt his wife's hand on his shoulder and felt her press his undershirt against his chest and it was when he became aware of his state of undress. Sybil stood next to Tom her arms folded over her chest as she glared at her sister.

Mary could feel her sister's cold stare and she knew she owed her an apology too but Tom was the one she had the hardest on. She knew she had hurt Tom even more than he was willing to let on, Tom worked hard for his family and despite the serious doubt she had about her sister's marriage she could see how happy Sybil was. She knew she had been out of line from the beginning but their happiness seemed to be the perfect target for her own pain. Matthew had been furious when they had returned to their room not understanding how she could treat her sister and brother in-law that way. He had listened to her rant and rave but he had also convinced her that she needed to make things right tonight.

Mary inhaled deeply squared her shoulders and looked her brother in-law straight in the eyes. As the first words fell from Mary's lips Sybil could feel Tom's body tightening her wonderful, strong, loving husband struggled to believe the words coming from her sister. Mary had always had an uncanny ability to find people's weak point and use it against them and tonight she had done just that. She had voiced Tom's biggest fears and used them against him and regardless of her reasons he found it very difficult to forgive her. Sybil ran her hand down his arm and found his hand and laced her fingers with his hoping to ease his tension.

Tom cleared his throat "I honestly thought that we were past all of this you and Matthew visit us in Liverpool, you're Saoirse godmother and then you turn on us like this." Mary could do nothing but agree she caught a glimpse of Sybil and the effect of her words at dinner was edged in her eyes "I am so sorry for what I said I know what my little sister means to you and I know that you would never put her in danger. I can still remember the look on your face the night of the count, your worry for her safety was edged on your face." Sybil's right hand instinctively traced the scar on the right side of her head, people rarely noticed it but to Sybil it had special meaning her first scar from the battle for freedom, love and the new life she had so desperately wanted.

Tom exhaled loudly "I know despite the impression they give that Robert and your granny don't really consider me a member of the family, to them to them I will always be the Irish revolutionary chauffeur who ran away with the family's youngest daughter, without being able to give her the life she deserves. He refused to be there for Sybil on our wedding day, he came to Saoirse's christening because your mother pressured him and never once has he come to Liverpool. I know he is embarrassed by us and the life we lead and I've come to expect him to be condescending although he does his best to hide it but I'm not surprised by all of this but I thought you were different."

"If I could take it back I would, but all I can do is apologise."

Tom felt Sybil tighten her hold on his hand he bend slightly and placed a quick kiss against her temple "I understand and accept you apology."

Mary gave him an honest smile and hurried out of the room.

Sybil stepped in front of Tom wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled him closer resting her forehead against his, Tom's arms wrapped around her waist. "They talk of gentlemen, breeding, manners, titles and money but what you just did is what really matters and I know with a father like you are children are very lucky and so am I."

Sybil carefully rolled over not wanting to wake Tom who was lying on his stomach was fast asleep, his face was turned away from her and she resisted the urge to run her fingers over his strong naked back. Unable to sleep she slowly crawled out from under the cover slipping on her dressing and silently walked out of the room, she paused in the doorway looking back at Tom making sure she didn't wake him. She made a quick stop in the nursery once again Saoirse had kicked of the covers, Sybil pulled the covers back around her daughter and walked into the dimly lit hall and down the grand staircase, she slowly opened the door and without a sound she slipped into her favourite room in the whole house.

The silence of the library welcomed her as she walked over to the ledger and flipped the pages back with her finger she traced his neat signature like she had done so many times during the war. Sybil scans the shelves hoping to find something new and exciting, she pulled a few books out but none of them could hold her interest and she put them back.

"Sybil?"

Sybil jumped at the sound of her father's voice Robert stepped into the room and closed the door behind him "what are you doing down here at this hours?"

Sybil shrugged "probably the same as you I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd find something to read."

Robert wasn't surprised that she would seek out this room when she felt restless "and did you?"

Sybil shook her head "I can't seem to concentrate on finding a book"

Robert gave Sybil a slightly confused look as he poured himself a drink "why not?"

Sybil didn't speak she simply raised her eyebrow and waited for her father catch up, silence filled the room until the events of the evening came back to Robert

"Oh right I'm sure Mary didn't mean it."

"She's already apologised, but it's was something else, something I've known all along but pushed aside because I desperately wanted to be wrong"

Robert frowned "what are you talking about?"

Sybil bit her lower lips letting it glide out between her teeth "what is Tom to you?"

Robert groaned this was not a discussion he wanted to have at this hour, he had this discussion with wife every time Sybil and her family came to stay, he would always promise his wife to treat Tom like a member of the family "he is your husband."

Sybil sighed "yes and you're son in-law so why you see how happy he makes me?"

"I welcome him in to my home I don't know what else you want me to do"

Sybil rubbed her forehead in frustration she felt like she was hitting a wall when it came to getting her father to treat Tom like a member of the family "I want you to include him, talk to him not try and bait him into a argument..."

Robert sat his drink down hard "now wait just a minute he sees nothing but the worst in the British government he blame this country for all the things that have gone wrong Ireland and he never listens to anybody but himself."

Sybil inhaled sharply "He really tries when we're here for me and for Saoirse I know he's not perfect that he can come across as a little arrogant but if you tried to really listen to him you might just come to understand him a little bit better."

Robert shook his head "I will never understand his radical ways burning down private property and what not"

Sybil wrapped her arms around her waist "did you know that his 15 year old cousin was killed by the British army during the Rising just for the way he looked."

Robert frowned "I was not aware of that"

Sybil threw up her hands in frustration "no because you don't talk to him you're too busy writing him of as radical."

Robert began to pace the floor he had only come down because he couldn't sleep and now he found himself embroiled in a discussion with his youngest daughter. "He dragged you to a war torn country, he was barely to support you and then when after burning a house to the ground and God knows what else he flees the country leaving you behind to fend for yourself in foreign land."

Sybil stomped over blocking her father's way her eyes were hard and angry "he did not leave me behind we had talked about it and decided what to do if the need arose I know that you're embarrassed by us and the life we lead but I don't care anymore. I was happier in our small flat in Dublin than I've ever been a Downton, my life made sense there and that would never have been the case if I had done what you wanted me to. "

Her words stung she had been slipping away from him for many years they had been on opposite sides on so many issues and the distance only grew. Robert's hand moved towards Sybil but she stepped away from him "is it so wrong for a father to want the best for his daughter"

Sybil snorted "what married to someone like Larry Grey and stuck in a life no meaning whatsoever?"

Robert snickered "and living hand to mouth in Dublin or Liverpool has meaning?"

Sybil's face lit up hoping that finally he was finally understanding "yes working as a nurse, caring for the women and children of Dublin gave me such a sense of accomplishment, why can't you see how happy Tom makes me?"

Robert didn't know how to respond, he couldn't come to grips with the fact that his youngest daughter had turned her back on all the things that he held dear, on all the things he wanted her to have and now she was practically a stranger. Sybil didn't want to wait for his response any longer she just gave him a sad look "but don't you worry we're going home to Dublin as soon as we can then you can go shooting with the Grey's and not worry about you embarrassing daughter with her féinan husband and children" before Robert had a chance to respond Sybil spun around and walked out of the library.

Sybil closed the door behind her Tom was still fast asleep on his stomach she slipped under the covers the argument with her father filled her head and she wanted to talk to Tom but she didn't have the heart to wake him. Desperately needing to be close to him she carefully lifted the duvet and draped her body over his resting her head between his shoulder blades her chest pressed against his naked back her legs intertwined with his and her hand covers his. In his sleep Tom laced his fingers with hers and brought them to his lips, the heat from his body radiated through her night gown Sybil inhaled deeply letting his scent wash over her that unique scent that made her feel so safe, she felt her eyes drop and sleep washed over her.

Tom felt something pulling on his eyelids he tried to move away but he felt himself being held down, once again something pulled at his eyelids and a then he felt a small chubby hand on his arm. Reluctantly he opened his eyes and found himself looking into a smaller version of his own eyes he tried to sit up but couldn't he looked over his shoulder and found his wife draped over his body he turned back to his daughter the curtains where still closed so he knew it was early. "Saoirse darling what are you doing out of bed?"

Saoirse just shrugged her shoulders "I can't find my blanket"

Tom buried his face in the pillow he really didn't want to get up or risk waking Sybil, so he pulled back the covers and held out his hand to Saoirse "come you can sleep with Mammy and me."

Saoirse didn't hesitate she loved sleeping in her parents bed she crawled into the bed with a little difficulty and lay down next to her father levelling her eyes with his. Her chubby little hand plopped against his forehead and she ran her finger against his hair line, it was something she had done from the time she was a baby. Doing this helped her fall asleep and there had been time where either Tom or Sybil would walk into their bedroom and find the other person fast asleep alongside their daughter Tom saw his daughter's eyes drop and his own soon followed.

Sybil put their few remaining items into their suit cases, Mrs. Hughes had send one of the new maids up to help her but Sybil had refused sending her back downstairs, having somebody do things she was fully capable of was more foreign than ever. Slowly mannerisms and teaching from her life at Downton slipped away, she was Mrs. Branson, wife, mother and nurse and she couldn't be happier.

Their time at Downton was coming to an end and just as she had been homesick when she first arrived in Dublin she was now homesick for their little flat in Liverpool. Her mother had tried to convince them to stay till after their had celebrated Saoirse's birthday but both she and Tom had insisted it was time for them to go home he had to get back to work but they had invited the family to come to Liverpool for Saoirse's birthday. But she wondered how many would come Mary and Matthew came last year but her parents had never been to their home, and she doubted more and more that her at least her father would ever set foot inside their small flat.

A firm quick knock pulled her from her thoughts "Lady Sybil?" Alfred pushed open the door and stepped in inside, "I'm here to take the cases down."

Sybil closed the suitcases and smiled at the tall footman she thought about telling him that she could manage but she knew that would lead to Tom warning her to be careful and for him to be on guard the whole way home "thank you Alfred."

Sybil checked the room once more making sure that they had everything before closing the door behind her and walking into the nursery expecting to find Tom and Saoirse but the room was empty her eyes scan the room and she was confident that nothing had been left behind.

"Is there anything from the nursery that needs to be brought down?"

Sybil shook her head "no thank you Alfred" she made her way down the stair closely followed by the tall footman, halfway down the stairs a wave of nausea washed over her and she suddenly felt very dizzy.

She stopped moving her shot out desperately clasping a firm hold on the banister, her skin felt clammy her legs weak and feeling like she was going to be sick her other hand covered her mouth, terrified she might fall Sybil sat down closed her eyes and rested her head against the arm that was still clutching the banister. Alfred dropped the cases and looked with confusion on the sitting woman he was torn his first thought was to find Mr. Branson but he didn't want to leave her sitting there in case she got worse.

He looked over the banister hoping to somebody for once there was no one in sight, he knelt down next to Sybil "do you want me to find Mr. Branson?"

Sybil didn't dare speak nor shake her head she just drew a couple of deep breaths hoping to still the nausea. Alfred took her silence as a yes and moved to stand but reached out and grabbed his sleeve shocking the footman; she looked up at him and ventured a few words "no I just need to sit here for a moment."

Alfred dubiously at Sybil "Lady Sybil I really think..."

Sybil exhaled slowly "honestly Alfred I'm a nurse just take the cases down." Alfred gathered the cases and walked down the stairs Sybil remained seated slowly feeling the nausea and dizziness slip away she began to feel like herself again trusting her legs to carry her she carefully rose from the step and made her way down the remaining steps.

"Now make sure that you take it easy and Tom you make sure that she does" Cora admonished as she hugged her daughter, Tom nodded dutifully while holding Saoirse in his arms he frowned slightly as he observed the awkward goodbye shared with her father.

He helped Sybil into the car and passed Saoirse to her following before finally climbing in himself; Tom wrapped his arm around Sybil shoulder bringing her closer she relaxed into his touch and rested her head against his shoulder with Saoirse on her lap.

Sybil noticed a basket sitting on the seat next to them "what's in that basket?"

Tom smiled "Mrs. Patmore has packed some sandwiches and a few treats"

Saoirse looked up at her mother with a bright smile "biscuits"

Sybil bend down kissing the top of her daughter's head "lunch first" Saoirse pouted that special Branson pout father and daughter shared and that always made it difficult for her to hold back her smile.

Tom tightened his hold on her "are you going to tell me?"

Sybil looked up at him knowing exactly what he was taking about she brought her hand up and gently caressed his cheek "I'll tell you later."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for your reviews I try my best and it really means a lot to me that you take the time to review my story and also a big thank you to those of you who follow my story, no readers no story.**

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Saoirse sat bathing in a zinc tub on the kitchen floor near the stove so she wouldn't get cold Sybil stood by the sink washing the dishes; she and Saoirse had just finished their supper and Tom was working late. Sybil knelt by the tub holding a jug in her hand "Saoirse darling look up so I can rinse your hair."

Saoirse didn't respond she just continued to play with two small cups Sybil had given her to play with. "Saoirse we need to get you finished before da gets home" with no responds from her daughter Sybil placed her hand under Saoirse's chin and gently tilted her head and let the water the water from the jug rinse the soap from Saoirse's hair, but the little girl wasn't at all happy and began kicking her legs and screaming "no, no mammy."

Sybil just continued to pour minding that the soap didn't get into Saoirse's eyes she knew that when her daughter was like this the best thing was to get it over and down with "Shh darling just one last time" confident that all the soap was gone she lifted her crying daughter from the tub and wrapped her in a towel that had been heated close to the stove.

"All done my darling" she dried Saoirse blotchy face and red eyes the little girl sniffled and whimpered as she pushed herself further into her mother's arms Sybil kissed her daughter's crown rocking her back and forth until the sniffling and whimpering stopped.

She dressed Saoirse in her night gown and a pair of woolly sock and began to dry her hair, Saoirse may not have had a lot of hair when she was born but it soon grew and it reminded Sybil of her own wild, curly and with a tendency to tangle. Saoirse began to wiggle about quickly losing patience with her mother actions, Sybil let her down on the floor and held out her hand "come let's go read a book."

Saoirse happily accepted her mother suggestion and followed her into the other room. Sybil sat down in the chair next to the fire Saoirse was quick to climb onto her lap moving around a bit until she finally was comfortable Sybil opened a book of fairytales and began to read while running her fingers through Saoirse's soft hair.

This was how Tom found them two hours later when he came home from work, he had stayed on to finish a job where the owner had offered to pay him extra if he finished today and Tom couldn't turn down the chance to earn some extra money. They were both fast asleep; they looked so happy and peaceful that he just couldn't stop staring at them quietly he walked over to them and knelt by the chair he brushed his fingers over his daughter's dark hair before slowly easing her into his arms Sybil moved a little her eyes opened and she gave him a sleepy smile. Very carefully carried her into the bedroom their flat was small with only one bedroom Saoirse's bed stood in the corner of their bedroom he pulled the covers up around her and waited a little to make sure that she was still sleeping.

Tom pulled the covers back on their bed and walked back into the front room, he knelt by Sybil and carefully eased the shoes of her feet she moved a little but it wasn't until Tom eased his arms around her and lifted her up from the chair that she woke up. Sybil gave him a sleepy smile "you're home."

Tom kissed her forehead "yes my darling just got back to sleep"

"No I'm awake now besides I haven't seen you all day"

Tom let her down and together they walked into the kitchen Tom grabbed a glass of water and some cutlery and sat down. Sybil took the plate she had been keeping warm in front of him as she turned to sit down opposite him she got dizzy she tried to disguise it but she had to grabbed the edge of the table.

Tom shot up from his chair and with his arms around Sybil he eased her down on her chair "darling what's wrong?"

Sybil caressed his cheek as she gave him a weak smile "it's nothing I just got a little dizzy."

Tom held her hand his brow creased with concern and his blue was filled with worry "has it happened before love?"

Sybil looked down she wanted ease his worry and say not but she couldn't lie about this he "day we left Downton I got dizzy walking on the stairs and I had to sit down."

Tom's jaw tightened he let go of her hand and stood up "where was I when it happened and why wasn't I told?"

Sybil twisted her narrow wedding band "it was just before we left I was coming down the stairs and I felt dizzy and weak so I sat down, but nothing happen and it's completely normal that's why I didn't ..."

Tom crossed his arms over his chest "didn't what?"

Sybil bit her lower lip "didn't let Alfred leave to go find you."

Tom slammed his hand down on the kitchen counter behind him "damn it Sybil you can't keep things like that from me."

If she hadn't been dizzy she would have gone to him but she didn't trust her legs completely and remained seated "I'm perfectly fine it was the same when I was carrying Saoirse."

Tom drew several deep breaths desperately trying to keep his aggravation under control "you didn't almost fall down a flight of stairs and not tell me about it"

Sybil rubbed her forehead in frustration "I wasn't at risk of falling I just sat down because as a precaution I'm just as worried as you are and I would never risk the baby or myself."

Tom let his head drop he knew his beautiful and independent wife didn't like to be told what to do but he just couldn't help himself "but you still should have told me."

Tom knelt down by the chair resting his head against her thighs Sybil ran her finger through his soft hair she gently lifted his head and cupped his face in both her hands he tried to turn but she didn't let him "I know you worry about me but you have to know that I would tell you if anything was wrong and trust that I am being careful."

Tom's hand came to rest on her belly his fingers drew small intrigued patterns over the place where he felt the baby's strong steady kicks "I do trust you."

Sybil sat on a bench watching Saoirse chase some pigeons across the grass they went to the park almost every day, when the weather was nice would bring lunch and when Tom had the time he would join them. But he didn't have time today Sybil and Saoirse had gone by the garage only to be informed by Cieran that Tom had gone to get some supplies and that he'd be gone of a couple of hours.  
When she had asked him to tell Tom she came by he just nodded and grumbled, Sybil knew he didn't like her that he hadn't liked her from the very beginning and she doubted it would ever change. Tom had reassured her that his older brother didn't like anybody but despite that she had tried to include him again and again she had invited him to supper but it was always the same Cieran turned up smelling of beer Tom and Cieran would have a few discussions where neither one of them would concede and the rest of the meal would be consumed with tension filling the air.  
Tom had told that she was wasting her time trying to bring his brother around he had been like this for as long as Tom could remember and he didn't see that changing anytime soon but Sybil wasn't done trying he was Saoirse's godfather and part of their family so she kept trying.

Sybil blinked her eyes felt heavy despite having had good night's sleep she knew this feeling all to well it had been the same when she was carrying Saoirse fatigue would overwhelm her and she would sometimes fall asleep next to Saoirse's bed when she read her bedtime stories or on the sofa waiting for Tom to finish putting Saoirse to bed. Sybil stood up fearing that if she didn't she fall asleep right there on the bench "Saoirse it's time to go darling."

The little girl looked up abandoning her pigeon chase and ran to her mother with a big smile plastered on her little face stopping in front of Sybil "look what I found" Saoirse pushed her little hand into her pocket and dug out a small slightly wilted wrinkled flower she lifted her little arm "it's for you mammy."

Sybil knelt down next to her daughter as she saw the little purple flower she knew it didn't stand a chance so she turned over her hand and held in out encouraging Saoirse to place it in her cupped hand "thank you darling it's very pretty."

Saoirse nodded proudly "we can put it in water so it will be pretty forever."

Sybil smiled at the suggestion "you know even if we put it in water it will not last forever but I have another idea we can dry and press it with some of da's books and then we can frame it and that will keep it pretty for a very long time."

Saoirse frowned slightly not completely understanding what her mammy meant but da always said that her mammy was very smart so she just nodded and smiled when her mammy put the flower in her pocket, Saoirse took her mammy's outstretched hand and they began the short walk back to the flat.

The walk often took longer than it had to Saoirse was a slow walker taking in very sight and sound that came her way and God forbid they came across a dog then it would take forever and sometimes Sybil would have to pick her up and carry her away from the dog. When they were at Downton Isis would abandon her old master to follow Saoirse around the little girl had been very interested in Isis from the very beginning and the dog didn't seem to mind it one bit even when baby Saoirse would tug at its ears or try to climb onto it when it lay down. Tom and Sybil were grateful that the idea of asking for a dog had entered into Saoirse's mind but they doubted that it would be a conversation they could avoid forever.

"Look mammy she looks like your picture."

Sybil gently lowered Saoirse's arm "It's not polite to point Saoirse"

Saoirse frowned "but she has a hat like you mammy" Sybil looked in the same direction as Saoirse and saw a young woman wearing a nurse's uniform her blond hair had come loose under her nurse's cap and she looked worn out.  
Sybil missed her work coming home after a long day where her whole body would aced and she could barely keep her eyes open, when Saoirse had been about a little over year she had mentioned it to Tom and he had encouraged her.

They had both agreed that asking one of his cousins to come over was the best decision, in hiring a nanny Sybil felt like they were bringing Downton customs into their lives she could still remember how more often than not it had been her nanny and not her parents that had comforted their life she remembered how more often than not it had been her nanny and not her parents that had comforted her when she fell or when she had a bad dream.

They had decided to ask his cousin Bridget if she wanted to come over Sybil had met her when they lived in Dublin and the thought of having more family around was something they both wanted. They had realized that they needed a bigger place; they had found several all more expensive than they had hope but it couldn't be helped. Sybil had been excited at the prospect of returning to work but excitement soon turned to frustration and anger as her hopes were crushed very few hospitals were hiring and those who did had turned her down when they learned that she was married and had a little daughter. She began to fear that maybe she was never going to get the chance to return to work it was clear that the hospitals in Liverpool weren't interested in her and she feared that it would be the same when they finally returned to Dublin.

One day after another disappointing meeting that once again had ended with the head nurse saying "I'm sorry Mrs. Branson but as a married woman you have other responsibilities and you should honour them."

Tom came home from work finding her in the kitchen taking her frustrations out on their pots and pans he reached out putting his hands on her shoulder Sybil whipped around with a pan in her hands Tom stumbled backwards holding up in his arms as a sign of surrender "Jesus Sybil it's me."

Sybil let the pan drop on to the floor "I'm sorry I didn't hear you" Tom took in his wife's appearance her eyes were red and swollen her cheeks blotchy and tearstained Tom reached out to take her in his arms but she pulled away, sliding down the wall sitting down on the floor with her leg stretched out in front of her.

Tom silently took a seat next to her letting her set the pace Sybil looked down twisting her narrow wedding band "why won't they hire me just because I'm a mother?" Tom said giving her time and space to vent "they don't turn you down because you have a family."

Tom snorted "no here I just have to say my name and they turn me down but you're right it is easier for men."

Sybil rubbed her forehead "I just don't understand they act like I've done something inheritably wrong simply by even applying for a job"

Tom sought out her hand lacing his fingers with her, bringing her hand to her lips and kissed the gold circle that sat on her left hand "a lot of people still feel like a woman's place is in the home especially married women, so in their eyes you are doing something wrong"

Sybil let her head drop to his shoulder "but being married and a mother doesn't make me a bad nurse, why can't they see that?"

Tom was saddened by Sybil's set back he knew how much joy so got from working from being challenged and from doing a full day's work, he hoped that things would be different if they ever got the chance to go home Tom kissed the top of her hear and whispered "I guess it's like the vote we just have to keep fighting because if we give up they win." Sybil noddedrelaxing against her husbands frame.

Saoirse watched with great interest as her mammy placed the little purple flower inside one of her da's books and placed the iron on top of it "now what mammy?"

Sybil looked around realising that it couldn't stay in the kitchen so she took the iron in one hand, the book in the other and motioned for Saoirse to follow her. She placed the book with the iron on top on the one of the shelves that Tom had made "now we just wait a few days and it will be ready."

Saoirse didn't looked convinced but she soon forgot all about the book with the iron as did Sybil until later that night when she was pulled from Saoirse's bedtime story by a hard thud followed by a loud "fucking hell who put the iron on my book."

Sybil let out a loud gasp and hurried into the and found Tom sitting on the sofa rubbing his foot, she knelt beside him pulling of his sock to examine his foot "I'm so sorry Tom I forgot all about the iron."

Tom hissed slightly as she checked his foot and toes for fractures or sprains "since when have we started ironing books in this house?"

Feeling confident that there was no damage to his foot Sybil let go of it and climbed up beside him pebbling soft along his jaw line Tom turned his head to capture her lips but Sybil refused moving her lips further down his neck earning her a deep groan needing more his hands drifted to her waist and pulled her closer Sybil followed lifted her skirt and straddled his lap "I'm sorry I didn't warn you about the iron, we're drying a flower Saoirse found."

Tom slowly flicked open button after button nibbling along her collar bone the soft mewling sounds that fell from her lips made Tom smiled against her skin "if this is the cure for an iron to the foot you can drop one on my foot anytime."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your reviews especially but alsoto those of you who follower my story I'm sending you giant raspberry cupcakes as I write this, I know this story is full of fluff but there might be a little more angst later but it depends on how well it turns out when I write it.**

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Tom cursed out loud as the screwdriver slipped again things hadn't gone his way today and he had struggled to concentrate on his work. Cieran had been quick to pick up his younger brother's mood and after a few comments that had earned him a stone cold glare he kept out of Tom's way. Tom's frustrations finally got the best of him and he kicked the wheel of the car he was working on before walking away and letting out a aggravated groan.

Cieran looked up from the papers he was going over and glanced at his younger brother "what did she do to put you in this mood?"

Tom frowned and gave his brother a confused look "what do you mean?"

His brother shrugged sensing that he had made a mistake in bringing up the subject "nothing you were fine before you went home for lunch and you're not so I'm guessing the missus must have done something"

Tom's whole body tensed he really didn't want to have this conversation with Cieran because he knew that his brother didn't really care "this has nothing to do with Sybil, I got a letter from ma"

Cieran let out a low grumble and returned to his papers his older brother's indifference frustrated Tom. "Joe lost his job and he can't seem to find a new one and now with the new baby coming, they're really struggling."

"Didn't they just have a baby?" Cieran said as he put the papers away.

Tom he didn't seemed moved or concerned about the difficult situation their brother and his family was in now, he knew that his older brother hadn't been home since he left but that Cieran could be so indifferent to the struggles back home made Tom furious "Kathleen is 3 years old"

The older man just shrugged his shoulders before putting on his coat and walking towards the door "lock up when you're done" Tom picked up the nearest object and hurled what turned out to be a wrench against the closed door.

Sybil knew the instant Tom walked through the door that something was wrong. At first she thought he had gotten into it with Cieran but that wouldn't put him in this mood.  
He looked lost and confused like when he had told her about the execution of the Tsar and his family. The murder of those young girls had made him question his belief in the revolution and as he sat there eating his supper only offering half smiles and answers to his family Sybil knew that something was really wrong.  
She continued to let him eat without questioning his mood. She helped Saoirse down after she finished her supper took her into the front room and found a few toys for her to play with before walking back into the kitchen and finding Tom had abandoned his meal.  
She gathered her and Saoirse's plate before running her hand across Tom's back. He look up for a second nodded and she took his plate, Tom rose from his chair without a word. He paused in the doorway looking back at Sybil but in silence he took his book and sat down on the sofa watching Saoirse play on the floor.

Tom struggled to concentrate on his book thoughts of his brother's troubles filled his mind, there was very little he could do for him but the distance between him and his family only increased this bleakness.

Tom looked up when he felt his daughter wrap her arms around his neck place a soft kiss on his cheek and whisper "is breá liom tú da"

He hadn't noticed that Sybil had gotten Saoirse ready for bed or even that she had climbed up beside him on the sofa. He put his book down and wrapped his arms around his little girl "is breá liom tú ró mo stór codladh go maith." Tom kissed the top of Saoirse's head before letting her down and watch her scamper into Sybil's arms and the two of them disappeared into the bedroom.

Sybil snatched the books out of his hands before handing him a glass of whiskey "you look like you need it"

Tom didn't complain she was right tonight was very much night for whiskey. She sat there beside him her knees bended, her feet tucked under his thigh, her hands and head resting on her knees she sat there waiting for him to speak, her eyes pleading with him to open up but he didn't know where to start. He took a sip of the whiskey and let the words come "Joe lost his job."

Sybil sat up she didn't have much experience with unemployment but she had seen poor families when she worked in the clinic in Dublin "oh no what happened?"

Tom shrugged his should "I don't know I only know that work is hard to come by and with Sheila being pregnant they're really struggling"

Sybil shifted in her seat "I know you won't spend any more of the money my dad gave us but maybe we could send them some just till he finds a new job"

Tom drank the rest of the whiskey and put the glass down on the table "he won't take any money from us."

Sybil looked him straight in the eye "by us you mean me"

Tom leaned back "no I mean he won't take money from anybody"

Sybil shook her head she knew Tom refused to spend any her dowry. it had been that way from the very beginning even when they didn't have two pennies to rub together. She knew he had gone without just to make sure they could pay their bills without spending her dowry. But when she had become pregnant and they had lost her income he had reluctantly agreed to spend some of that money "but they have to eat"

Tom threw up his hands "don't you think he knows that and he will do what he can to support his family"

Sybil shook her head "except take money from his family"

Tom nodded "yes it would be different if we lived there we could have them over for supper but money is different"

Sybil stared confused at her husband "why is it different it doesn't make sense"

Tom's jaw tightened and the blue colour in his eyes seemed to changed to a darker colour. "This is my family we're talking about and it does make sense to him and to me, taking money from somebody else is humiliating not being able to provide for your wife and children is humiliating."

Sybil reached out a gently took his hand and cupped it in both of hers. "You do provide for us you always done everything you can you make sure that neither Saoirse nor me have gone without and I know that Joe will do his very best to do the same."

Tom pulled Sybil into his arms she rested her head against his chest. He draped one arm around her back letting the hand rest on her belly "I just wish I could help them somehow"

Sybil exhaled relaxing in his arms "I know you do"

Tom turned his head gently pressing his lips against her soft dark crown "I've been thinking that maybe it's time to admit defeat and realise that we're are never going to be able to return home"

Sybil froze she couldn't believe what he had just said she quickly untangled herself from his grasp and turned to look at him. She had seen that look in his eyes once before in the hotel room in Scotland the sadness in his eyes made hers burn with unshed tears. "Ireland has won her freedom almost everything I've worked and hoped for has happened. And yet despite all our sacrifices and what happened to you we can't be a part of it."

Sybil stared at him in disbelief as he continued "I've been thinking a lot about this and I can't help but wonder if what happened when Saoirse was born happened because of our flight from Ireland and all of the uncertainty in the weeks that followed and we can't risk it again"

Sybil leaned in resting her forehead against his draping her arms over his shoulders. "We will never know why I became ill but we're not giving up we will go home to Dublin, we will sit in our flat again and we will sit in the park and look up at the stars while your mother is watching the children. We have our free state and I have freedom from a life I didn't want and I'm not about to let go of that again and Matthew's friend will help us just like he promised."

Tom didn't respond he wanted to believe her words but all the uncertainty and the past few years was beginning to get to him. He felt like he had no control over his own life and the news that his brother had lost his job without being able to help him made it worse. Sybil snuggled closer to him "I miss waking up to the sounds of the city right outside our windows, my work at the clinic, fish and chips from Kildare street, getting soaked to the bone and come home and snuggle with you by the fire."

Tom nodded wordlessly letting the images fill his him "I even miss going to mass despite I still don't understand when to do and say and I end up looking foolish because I'm behind all of you when it come to sitting, kneeling, genuflecting and answering the priest."

Tom let out a small laugh going to mass was something he did with Saoirse. She went with them on the holidays but she still didn't seem to get the hang of it he pulled her onto his lap "I'm really like it when you call Dublin home"

Sybil took his hand and lay it on her belly "you said that as a mother of an Irish baby I'm and honorary Irishwoman. So I don't think anybody can question my status now"

Tom rubbed the roundness of her belly "no anybody who speaks of Ireland like you do deserves to viewed as an Irishwoman if not by birth then by choice."

Sybil buried her face in the crook of his neck and whispered "I miss having supper at your mother's house when everybody is there with all the children and not enough room."

Tom drew a deep breath "I want Saoirse to know her whole family, for her to run around and play with her cousins." Tom tightened his hold on Sybil and whispered against her temple "I miss my family."

Sybil laced her fingers with Tom's on top of her belly the firm roundness had formed over the last week. It was invisible to those who didn't know but to her it was sign that the baby was growing. And somehow seeing the changes to her body made the pregnancy more real to both her and Tom "do you wan to tell her about the baby?"

Tom buried his face in her dark mane inhaling her sweet intoxicating scent "maybe we should wait"

Sybil smiled "maybe we will get to show her instead"

"Maybe"

"Did your mother write anything else?"

Tom shifted a little in his seat rearranging both their bodies in to a more comfortable position. "No just the usual she asks about you and Saoirse, she's really happy with the photograph we send her. And Niall is doing really well in school so that's good news"

Sybil played with his shirt buttons "that's good maybe he's stopped chasing all those girls around"

Tom laughed out loud "not my baby brother is going to use all his Branson charm on any girl who comes his way"

Sybil couldn't help but snort a little and fell quiet indignant on behalf of her gender. She tilted her head and looked up at him "well maybe you should talk to him, tell him to behave"

Tom shook his head "he's not going to listen to me, he still think I was a complete idiot staying in Downton waiting for you to make up your mind"

Sybil gasped as she sat up looking slightly offended "I thought Niall liked me"

Tom couldn't help but smile at her reaction he pulled her back into his arms kissed her pouting lips. "He does he just doesn't understand why I was willing to wait so long for you"

Sybil frowned as she tried to wiggle out of Tom's arms "but it was a big decision..."

Tom tightened his hold on her "I know and he knows it too."

Sybil bit down on her lower lip letting it glide out between her teeth. "Do you ever wonder what you're life would have been like if you had gotten tired of waiting?"

"No"

The speed and harshness of his answer made her look up at him "but you must have thought about it while you waited for me"

Tom inhaled slowly he had thought about it not in great detail but one thing was certain he would have left. "I would have gone home and fought against the British, so without you I'd most likely be dead or in prison"

Sybil shuddered at the thought "would you have married someone else?"

Tom shook his head "no I don't think so, but I thought more about you. I couldn't bear the thought of you married to the likes of Larry Grey, giving dinners to random lords and ladies, kept away from your work as a nurse and politics"

Sybil reached up stroking his cheek like she had done that night in the garage in Downton. A soft gentle touch that still send shivers down his spine "I could never be happy living that life, I am a free spirit or so I've been told"

Tom turned his head slightly and kissed her palm "that you are."

Sybil walked down to the post office, Tom had taken Saoirse with him so she could buy Saoirse's birthday present and call her mother. The telephone kiosk was not far from the post office, but she also had a letter to Ireland she needed to post. Before leaving Downton they had invited the whole family to come to Liverpool to celebrate Saoirse's birthday but so far her parents hadn't replied. It wasn't often that they used the telephone but Sybil knew that this situations like this were best handled over the telephone

"Sybil dear how are you?" Her mother's distinctive American accent flowed through the telephone

"We are all well mama" Cora smiled at the sound of her youngest daughter's bright and cheerful voice. Sybil clutched the receiver a little tighter "Mama I wanted to ask you about Saoirse's birthday we still haven't heard from you and papa"

Cora's hand came to her chest "Oh darling I wish we could, but the other going your father feel is best we stay behind." Sybil nodded she had expected this before she even rang but her mother refusal still hurt "oh but darling I bought the most beautiful doll for my granddaughter and a beautiful blue lace dress I've asked Mary and Matthew they promised to bring it with them"

Sybil sighed "oh mama I know you mean well but Saoirse is too young for a porcelain doll it would only break"

"But Sybil every little girl should have a doll"

"Mama please hold on to the doll and give it to when she is older"

Cora reluctantly agreed to her daughter's request. She loved spoiling her granddaughter but after few tense situations she had come to understand and respect her daughter and son in-law wishes. They lived a different life than they did and their needs were different so she bought more practical things for Saoirse. But she still couldn't help herself and bought dresses more suitable for life in Downton "give my love to Tom and my darling granddaughter and I hope she has a wonderful birthday."

Sybil looked over her shoulder sensing somebody looking at her and saw a young man waiting for her to finish. "I will I promise but Mama I have to hang up the telephone somebody is waiting outside the kiosk give my love to papa" "I will my darling."

* * *

Translation, I know I forgot it in the other chapters but I'll go back and do it

"is breá liom tú da – I love you da

is breá liom tú ró mo codladh stór maith – I love you too my darling, sleep well


End file.
